I don’t know if I would be so “brave,” have a grade of “A” or show “great spirits” if my doctor hadn’t said from the start that this is curable . . . unless he says that to all of his patients. It was like getting hit in the head with a soft bat. The shock of “me? Cancer? But it doesn’t run in the family?” put me in a daze I’ve never come out of. I totally by-passed the stages of, what is it, denial, anger, etc. and jumped to acceptance.
I don’t even know if I’ll be a better person for going through this life-threatening situation. I hope so. Already I find myself counting my blessings (and I’m not a religious person, just a deist who celebrates Christmas and Easter because it’s tradition and family fun). I also find myself speaking my mind more than I naturally do (I hope tactfully), and being a little more ho-hum about the smaller headaches in life.
Having a wonderful family and friends are my blessings and strength (and a good insurance policy helps too). So maybe, just maybe, a year from now when my curly mane is back covering my neck, I can say the experience was really worth it. Let’s see if I say, “Gee, I’m glad I had Cancer.”
Monday, December 21, 2009
"A" Grade?
Have you ever read the Scarlet Letter . . . one of those High School teacher assigned books that everyone but I dreaded reading?
The other day before getting in the tub, I noticed my port scars, near my left shoulder. And whaddya know, it’s the color and shape of a red capital “A” . . . unlike Hester, mine is stitched in my skin rather than clothing. I am a marked woman.
But then I thought of my friend Elaine (over 18 months fighting breast cancer with four operations and X-ray treatments on top of Chemo) . . . .how many zodiac symbols, letters, esoteric icons (and tattoos) are decorating her flesh?
We must have done something really wrong by society standards, but then again, not really, if we compare ourselves to Ms. Prynne. Maybe we just ate too many non-organic fruits and vegetables . . . .and then came the punishment for somebody else’s (pesticide and fertilizing) failings.
The other day before getting in the tub, I noticed my port scars, near my left shoulder. And whaddya know, it’s the color and shape of a red capital “A” . . . unlike Hester, mine is stitched in my skin rather than clothing. I am a marked woman.
But then I thought of my friend Elaine (over 18 months fighting breast cancer with four operations and X-ray treatments on top of Chemo) . . . .how many zodiac symbols, letters, esoteric icons (and tattoos) are decorating her flesh?
We must have done something really wrong by society standards, but then again, not really, if we compare ourselves to Ms. Prynne. Maybe we just ate too many non-organic fruits and vegetables . . . .and then came the punishment for somebody else’s (pesticide and fertilizing) failings.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
So what did I do with all my hair?
And now for a Chemo update from yours truly.
Had the 4th session yesterday. Therefore by the 19th when I see family at the annual Christmas gathering, I should be feeling pretty good.
I have a busy several weeks coming up with the treatment. Beside a few blood tests, I am scheduled for a CAT-scan on the 22nd, a PET-scan on the 30th. These should indicate how well the chemo toxins are attacking the cancer cells. Cross fingers that they are doing the
job. I will know the day of my next and 5th chemo on Jan. 5.
My red blood cell count has improved same with the white blood cells (although still low). I have returned to my library circulation job on a very part time basis. They keep me in the back room checking books, answering calls, and other odd jobs that don't require face-to-face with the germy patrons.
Side effects besides no hair growth, is some nerve damage to my finger tips, thin, peeling finger nails, and tingling into my hips and upper outer thighs. The doctor may alter my chemo doses if it gets any worse during this 4th session recovery time . . ...because some of this nerve damage is permanent. Just something to live with, like putting earrings on is a bit of a challenge; my fine motor skills are slightly affected.
Good news seems to be during the later half of recovery time, the 10 days after a chemo, I feel better than I have in months and months . . . .could mean all of this isn't for naught. Oh and my weight is almost back to what it used to be . . . .nearing 105 again. Now I'll have to watch what I eat .. . just in time for Christmas feasting (drats!).
Went to a ski club Christmas party last night. Had to avoid the raw fruits and vegetables, the food that can be easily man-handled without tongs. But having arrived at the party first, I filled my little paper plate before the throngs closed in on the feasting table with their collective germs.
It was good to get out and see people, especially sitting with one writer friend (Donna) and blab most of the evening away.
My only "Old Lady" faux pas was putting a headband over the edge of my wig (the stylish one) and not realizing I'd pushed the wig back a bit, exposing a sure band of baldness. So the top of my head was striped: a layer of dark-hair wig, a band of naked scalp followed by the head band....must have been disconcerting to the few party guests who saw this. My daughter mentioned something to me about the wig being shifted back...I didn't realize just how far back. At least this was at the end of the evening as I was leaving, not a clownish vision for the whole evening.
People kept telling me I looked good...if only they knew how much make up I was wearing (I hardly ever wear makeup, but it was a special outing). One dope at the party approached my husband and said something about, "What did she do with all of her hair?" It wasn't worth a comeback line as, stated earlier, the guy's a dope....we laughed about it on the drive home. There's always one of these guys no matter where you go......comic relief?
Had the 4th session yesterday. Therefore by the 19th when I see family at the annual Christmas gathering, I should be feeling pretty good.
I have a busy several weeks coming up with the treatment. Beside a few blood tests, I am scheduled for a CAT-scan on the 22nd, a PET-scan on the 30th. These should indicate how well the chemo toxins are attacking the cancer cells. Cross fingers that they are doing the
job. I will know the day of my next and 5th chemo on Jan. 5.
My red blood cell count has improved same with the white blood cells (although still low). I have returned to my library circulation job on a very part time basis. They keep me in the back room checking books, answering calls, and other odd jobs that don't require face-to-face with the germy patrons.
Side effects besides no hair growth, is some nerve damage to my finger tips, thin, peeling finger nails, and tingling into my hips and upper outer thighs. The doctor may alter my chemo doses if it gets any worse during this 4th session recovery time . . ...because some of this nerve damage is permanent. Just something to live with, like putting earrings on is a bit of a challenge; my fine motor skills are slightly affected.
Good news seems to be during the later half of recovery time, the 10 days after a chemo, I feel better than I have in months and months . . . .could mean all of this isn't for naught. Oh and my weight is almost back to what it used to be . . . .nearing 105 again. Now I'll have to watch what I eat .. . just in time for Christmas feasting (drats!).
Went to a ski club Christmas party last night. Had to avoid the raw fruits and vegetables, the food that can be easily man-handled without tongs. But having arrived at the party first, I filled my little paper plate before the throngs closed in on the feasting table with their collective germs.
It was good to get out and see people, especially sitting with one writer friend (Donna) and blab most of the evening away.
My only "Old Lady" faux pas was putting a headband over the edge of my wig (the stylish one) and not realizing I'd pushed the wig back a bit, exposing a sure band of baldness. So the top of my head was striped: a layer of dark-hair wig, a band of naked scalp followed by the head band....must have been disconcerting to the few party guests who saw this. My daughter mentioned something to me about the wig being shifted back...I didn't realize just how far back. At least this was at the end of the evening as I was leaving, not a clownish vision for the whole evening.
People kept telling me I looked good...if only they knew how much make up I was wearing (I hardly ever wear makeup, but it was a special outing). One dope at the party approached my husband and said something about, "What did she do with all of her hair?" It wasn't worth a comeback line as, stated earlier, the guy's a dope....we laughed about it on the drive home. There's always one of these guys no matter where you go......comic relief?
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Hopes of next Spring when bulbs and hair should pop up
Paul planted nearly 300 bulbs (tulips mostly) around the backyard patio....what a chore. So it should look spectacular next Spring.
I'm doing better, recovering better after the last dose of chemo. I even have energy and put it to good use: dusted the house, first time in about 2 months, including a good polishing to wood furniture. Took the dryer apart for a good lint cleaning.
And even had the enery to do my old step aerobics workout twice this week...again, first time in about 2 months (boy was I sore after the first workout though). I was worried that my muscles were getting atropied.
So I expect the next dose (this Wednesday) I should recover even better....guess I'm getting used to the poison and it's doing what it's supposed to do: kill the tumors and meanie cancer cells.
Still am not used to my vision in the mirror...sort of like Ben Kingsley playing Gandhi....better look than Mussolini. Bald is just not becoming on a woman.
I'm doing better, recovering better after the last dose of chemo. I even have energy and put it to good use: dusted the house, first time in about 2 months, including a good polishing to wood furniture. Took the dryer apart for a good lint cleaning.
And even had the enery to do my old step aerobics workout twice this week...again, first time in about 2 months (boy was I sore after the first workout though). I was worried that my muscles were getting atropied.
So I expect the next dose (this Wednesday) I should recover even better....guess I'm getting used to the poison and it's doing what it's supposed to do: kill the tumors and meanie cancer cells.
Still am not used to my vision in the mirror...sort of like Ben Kingsley playing Gandhi....better look than Mussolini. Bald is just not becoming on a woman.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Hair in My Ice Cream
Chemo #2 went well. My white blood cell count was low last week, but this morning’s draw said
I was good to go for the session. It was faster, not the 7 hours, more like 4-1/2. I was able to tolerate taking in the fluids at a faster rate, without immediate side effects (however, that comes over the next several days at home).
I met a woman there, a middle-school principal with roughly the same form of C. Her’s was at stage 4 though because it affected an organ (her stomach) and was below and above her diaphragm (also in her neck). But that was ten years ago. The cancer came back
(in her face . . . .swollen, deforming cheek!). She comes in for chemo-lite (no nausea, no hair loss) once every three months . . . .been doing that for 1 year with 1 year to go, to keep her lymph nodes clean. And her face is back to normal. Her hair grew back and was thick and long (and dyed . . . having turned gray).
I suspect I will have to keep an eye on my disease with regular check ups (and Cat-scans) for the rest of my life . . . .it may return (if I lick it this time, which I am optimistic about) . . . .but
like this woman, it should not be debilitating, and just something one lives with . . . .just like other manageable diseases. Very encouraging.
She hated the bone marrow biopsy too, agreeing with me that that was the most painful part of the physical ordeal. She hated losing her hair, but kept her eyebrows and lashes (no razor needed anywhere else). She lost arm hair too. Everyone is different on that account. I can stow away my razor now, and I haven’t had to pluck my eyebrows in a while, nothing’s growing there . . . .no doubt my inherited Italian mustache will continue sprouting as well as nose hairs (ah, the rub), and a few chinny-chin-chin whiskers. Figures.
That cute short do I just had is thinning fast, and I’m sporting bald patches now . . . .I should look perfect for Halloween night. I shake my head and it’s like the trees in my yard in the wind...
. . . .fluttering down, leaving trails, on my pillow, on sink tops, in the sinks, in my bowl of ice cream last night. It’s like having several cats or furry dogs in the house. I’ll just have to get over it and get used to bald, hats and kerchiefs all the time . . . . . .and ask Paul and Kelly to please vacuum after me.
I was good to go for the session. It was faster, not the 7 hours, more like 4-1/2. I was able to tolerate taking in the fluids at a faster rate, without immediate side effects (however, that comes over the next several days at home).
I met a woman there, a middle-school principal with roughly the same form of C. Her’s was at stage 4 though because it affected an organ (her stomach) and was below and above her diaphragm (also in her neck). But that was ten years ago. The cancer came back
(in her face . . . .swollen, deforming cheek!). She comes in for chemo-lite (no nausea, no hair loss) once every three months . . . .been doing that for 1 year with 1 year to go, to keep her lymph nodes clean. And her face is back to normal. Her hair grew back and was thick and long (and dyed . . . having turned gray).
I suspect I will have to keep an eye on my disease with regular check ups (and Cat-scans) for the rest of my life . . . .it may return (if I lick it this time, which I am optimistic about) . . . .but
like this woman, it should not be debilitating, and just something one lives with . . . .just like other manageable diseases. Very encouraging.
She hated the bone marrow biopsy too, agreeing with me that that was the most painful part of the physical ordeal. She hated losing her hair, but kept her eyebrows and lashes (no razor needed anywhere else). She lost arm hair too. Everyone is different on that account. I can stow away my razor now, and I haven’t had to pluck my eyebrows in a while, nothing’s growing there . . . .no doubt my inherited Italian mustache will continue sprouting as well as nose hairs (ah, the rub), and a few chinny-chin-chin whiskers. Figures.
That cute short do I just had is thinning fast, and I’m sporting bald patches now . . . .I should look perfect for Halloween night. I shake my head and it’s like the trees in my yard in the wind...
. . . .fluttering down, leaving trails, on my pillow, on sink tops, in the sinks, in my bowl of ice cream last night. It’s like having several cats or furry dogs in the house. I’ll just have to get over it and get used to bald, hats and kerchiefs all the time . . . . . .and ask Paul and Kelly to please vacuum after me.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Hit by a Mack truck from the inside
Without the poetry, here’s how I am . . . one week after first Chemo session:
My legs and butt have almost vanished. Down to 95 lbs last I looked. Need to get Boost or other supplement and hope to get out today to do that bit of shopping. I’ve been exhausted, achy, just can’t do much. I was able to iron a couple of shirts and make homemade soup yesterday. But most of the time I feel yucky, tired, constipated, strained eyes, headache, everything hurts (even my teeth and jaw (chewing hurts), my whole rib cage). Taking a bath is a chore but I do it every day (can’t stand not to bathe daily). Walking and standing for stretches is painful.
My left side (hip) still is super sore . . . .even a cotton t-shirt touching that area feels like sand paper. I had some swelling (ankles, lower legs abdomen) but that’s a whole lot better. Do I sound like a wreck?
If I don’t take the little pill at night, I can’t sleep. And I was hoping to wean myself of the anti-nausea pills, but that ain’t working. I try to eat more often . . . .I get this eat or get sick feeling (like when I was pregnant) so I eat . . . sometimes it even works.
There’s no way I could be at work. I’m just so glad I don’t have to work and I have a comfortable home to rest in. I love looking out my kitchen/family room windows with all the wildness, the leaves changing . . . a good view.
And speaking of work, I just heard that the library will hold my job till the end of January. If things improve (like I’m up to it) they will let me put in some time during leave, but not without a Dr’s note . . . .big boss pointed out just how germy a library is (he’s right).
I get blood work tomorrow, and see the surgeon on Friday (he’s just gonna look at the port implant). This kind of C can’t really be operated on . . . it has to shrink. Next session two weeks from today . . . dread it and bring it on feelings . . . .just want to get healthy again.
Did you get the Mack's license plate number?
My legs and butt have almost vanished. Down to 95 lbs last I looked. Need to get Boost or other supplement and hope to get out today to do that bit of shopping. I’ve been exhausted, achy, just can’t do much. I was able to iron a couple of shirts and make homemade soup yesterday. But most of the time I feel yucky, tired, constipated, strained eyes, headache, everything hurts (even my teeth and jaw (chewing hurts), my whole rib cage). Taking a bath is a chore but I do it every day (can’t stand not to bathe daily). Walking and standing for stretches is painful.
My left side (hip) still is super sore . . . .even a cotton t-shirt touching that area feels like sand paper. I had some swelling (ankles, lower legs abdomen) but that’s a whole lot better. Do I sound like a wreck?
If I don’t take the little pill at night, I can’t sleep. And I was hoping to wean myself of the anti-nausea pills, but that ain’t working. I try to eat more often . . . .I get this eat or get sick feeling (like when I was pregnant) so I eat . . . sometimes it even works.
There’s no way I could be at work. I’m just so glad I don’t have to work and I have a comfortable home to rest in. I love looking out my kitchen/family room windows with all the wildness, the leaves changing . . . a good view.
And speaking of work, I just heard that the library will hold my job till the end of January. If things improve (like I’m up to it) they will let me put in some time during leave, but not without a Dr’s note . . . .big boss pointed out just how germy a library is (he’s right).
I get blood work tomorrow, and see the surgeon on Friday (he’s just gonna look at the port implant). This kind of C can’t really be operated on . . . it has to shrink. Next session two weeks from today . . . dread it and bring it on feelings . . . .just want to get healthy again.
Did you get the Mack's license plate number?
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Is it possible to notice the signs early when so much is going on?
I plan to try and go to Living Well on Thursday...they seem to have a Welcome session planned...then they can tell me all the good stuff. I also want to check out the American Cancer Society in Batavia....nurse at the treatment part of LaGrange office faxed them info about me and I'm to expect a call. She says they have a looking your best program where they give away makeup and cosmetics, wigs and scarves...freebies. Can't beat that.
My poison is called R-CHOP. Rituximab (the big bag), Cyclophosphamide (small bag), Vincristine sulfate (nurse does quick injection), and Doxorubicin (also a quickie injection). That's during a session. Then there's all the pills I take at home at different times of the day....trying to get used to the schedule now.
History: I think my problems actually started a year ago, that's when my hip pain started (where the bulk of the swollen, cancerous lymph nodes are now). I told my doc at my annual check up in November 2008, and she ordered a bone density test....she assumed thinning bones, some osteoporosis, I was premenopausal...factors other than cancer.
But I truly believe that was the start. Then I had the gallbladder problem and my period stopped in May...but things just weren't getting better (back pain, cramping, stomach seeming to take it's time adjusting to the bile dump without the gallbladder). I attributed all the woes to these other problems of adjustment and change of life. It was a change alright and the delay gave the disease a chance to spread north.
In June I started getting stunning pain in my right shoulder area when I moved it in certain directions.....I thought it was from handling books (swiping them in repeat action over the bar code reader at the library....like a carpal tunnel of the shoulder)....not realizing the lymph nodes were affected there.
It's been a rough year to say the least.
My poison is called R-CHOP. Rituximab (the big bag), Cyclophosphamide (small bag), Vincristine sulfate (nurse does quick injection), and Doxorubicin (also a quickie injection). That's during a session. Then there's all the pills I take at home at different times of the day....trying to get used to the schedule now.
History: I think my problems actually started a year ago, that's when my hip pain started (where the bulk of the swollen, cancerous lymph nodes are now). I told my doc at my annual check up in November 2008, and she ordered a bone density test....she assumed thinning bones, some osteoporosis, I was premenopausal...factors other than cancer.
But I truly believe that was the start. Then I had the gallbladder problem and my period stopped in May...but things just weren't getting better (back pain, cramping, stomach seeming to take it's time adjusting to the bile dump without the gallbladder). I attributed all the woes to these other problems of adjustment and change of life. It was a change alright and the delay gave the disease a chance to spread north.
In June I started getting stunning pain in my right shoulder area when I moved it in certain directions.....I thought it was from handling books (swiping them in repeat action over the bar code reader at the library....like a carpal tunnel of the shoulder)....not realizing the lymph nodes were affected there.
It's been a rough year to say the least.
Chemo session 1, what am I in for?
Good luck Rolfe. We can't diminish the pain you are going through. It's the next best thing to childbirth, except you don't have to put the delivery through college. Now find out what causes your stones and never eat that food ever again.
Update: Therapy number 1 (of 8) went pretty well. The whole session took almost 7 hours, like a long plane ride while sitting on the tarmac. There was one very long moment that I had uncontrollable shivers and shakes I couldn't even hold a pen. But nursing staff was great and stopped the med for a bit, injected something to calm me, let me rest a while and started the drip again at a lower dose. Later she inched it back up and I tolerated it just fine. It's poison I tell ya.
I feel good tonight (they also slip in steroids for energy and anti-nausea fluids). It's the next few days where I'll get the queasies and then the fatigue and with hair on my pillow.
There was an older woman getting treatment when I came in this morning. She actually looked elegant in her coffee colored kerchief. She smiled at me, and then I spent the next hour or so scrutinizing her smile . . . .what was she saying? "HA, a newbie . . . .she won't have those pretty curls for long." Or was it a friendly, join the club? I may never know.
I did see the doc briefly. And now I know it's stage 3 lymphoma, meaning it's above and below the diaphragm. An infected lymph node (or more? Not sure yet) was found with the PET scan in the right upper back/shoulder (no wonder I couldn't swing a golf club due to the stunning pain). I see the doc with Paul in about two weeks for more explanation of diagnosis.
So one down seven to go. And it's not a white light at the end of a tunnel I'm looking for, because I know, if you see the white light, you don't want to go there.
Update: Therapy number 1 (of 8) went pretty well. The whole session took almost 7 hours, like a long plane ride while sitting on the tarmac. There was one very long moment that I had uncontrollable shivers and shakes I couldn't even hold a pen. But nursing staff was great and stopped the med for a bit, injected something to calm me, let me rest a while and started the drip again at a lower dose. Later she inched it back up and I tolerated it just fine. It's poison I tell ya.
I feel good tonight (they also slip in steroids for energy and anti-nausea fluids). It's the next few days where I'll get the queasies and then the fatigue and with hair on my pillow.
There was an older woman getting treatment when I came in this morning. She actually looked elegant in her coffee colored kerchief. She smiled at me, and then I spent the next hour or so scrutinizing her smile . . . .what was she saying? "HA, a newbie . . . .she won't have those pretty curls for long." Or was it a friendly, join the club? I may never know.
I did see the doc briefly. And now I know it's stage 3 lymphoma, meaning it's above and below the diaphragm. An infected lymph node (or more? Not sure yet) was found with the PET scan in the right upper back/shoulder (no wonder I couldn't swing a golf club due to the stunning pain). I see the doc with Paul in about two weeks for more explanation of diagnosis.
So one down seven to go. And it's not a white light at the end of a tunnel I'm looking for, because I know, if you see the white light, you don't want to go there.
The Big C
And now the latest “big C” update for anyone who missed my news. I finally have a better (tho still incomplete) diagnosis. Today’s PET-scan will provide stage and spread of the disease. The gobbledygook title is Non-Hodgkin’s Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma.
It is in my back where the lymph nodes are enlarged (no wonder I have an achy breaky back.) It is pushing my organs forward on top of having what is considered a big fibroid between my uterus and ovary (PET will say if that’s cancer or not). That’s why I look pregnant.
So today is the PET, Thursday I go to “cancer college” to learn what to expect, Friday I get a port surgically inserted in my chest (makes for easier chemo drug insertion without getting fresh IV’s every visit), and Tuesday is first of 6 to 8 treatments of Chemo.
With 3 weeks between treatments, I should be done early Feb. or mid to late March. And thanks to Elaine mentioning this . . . I go to the dentist on Saturday for my pushed up 6 month cleaning (can’t do that while under treatment . . . thanks for the pointer, Elaine . . . they don’t tell you everything!). So it’s a busy next several days.
I probably won’t make WA next week. And I submitted the leave of absence request to the library . . . I’ll have to see how I feel later on, and see if they’ll let me work the back room (checking books in) in the very near future. Basil called this morning telling me he had and beat the same cancer. He suggested I wear a mask at work . . . I suppose it’s a possibility (mask and wig . . . .hmmm, I might start a new fashion fad in North Aurora).
One big OY. But maybe for my next birthday (next March) I’ll have the best gift to receive . . . .remission.
It is in my back where the lymph nodes are enlarged (no wonder I have an achy breaky back.) It is pushing my organs forward on top of having what is considered a big fibroid between my uterus and ovary (PET will say if that’s cancer or not). That’s why I look pregnant.
So today is the PET, Thursday I go to “cancer college” to learn what to expect, Friday I get a port surgically inserted in my chest (makes for easier chemo drug insertion without getting fresh IV’s every visit), and Tuesday is first of 6 to 8 treatments of Chemo.
With 3 weeks between treatments, I should be done early Feb. or mid to late March. And thanks to Elaine mentioning this . . . I go to the dentist on Saturday for my pushed up 6 month cleaning (can’t do that while under treatment . . . thanks for the pointer, Elaine . . . they don’t tell you everything!). So it’s a busy next several days.
I probably won’t make WA next week. And I submitted the leave of absence request to the library . . . I’ll have to see how I feel later on, and see if they’ll let me work the back room (checking books in) in the very near future. Basil called this morning telling me he had and beat the same cancer. He suggested I wear a mask at work . . . I suppose it’s a possibility (mask and wig . . . .hmmm, I might start a new fashion fad in North Aurora).
One big OY. But maybe for my next birthday (next March) I’ll have the best gift to receive . . . .remission.
Start spreading the news
I’m writing one email to send blind-copy to friends who may not know yet. I’ve told family of course and friends that I see on a regular basis . . . .but now I figure I should tell folks I don’t see as often because I figure you’d want to know too.
How’s that for a dramatic opening? Well the news isn’t great. I start chemo therapy this Tuesday as I was recently diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin’s Diffuse Large B cell lymphoma (there are so many forms of cancer, I guess someone had to come up with a fancy name).
Physically things haven’t been right since Spring (I’ll skip the details). And seemed to be getting worse when I went to the doctor about two weeks ago. She ordered a CAT scan and then ordered me to hospital immediately. A blood clot was detected. The scan showed other abnormalities (fibroids? tumors?).
And a slew of more tests were run, more CATs, two MRIs, X-rays, blood tests, MUGA (to test the strength of the heart), a tissue biopsy and a bone marrow biopsy, and last test was a PET scan, I think that’s been it . . . that’s been enough! Oh wait, I had a port surgically put in my chest on Friday (that’s to make IVs and injections easier to take without getting needle stuck all of the time).
I still don’t know the stage, but the good news: the blood clots are not clots (so no more blood thinner for me . . . .it was creepy giving myself belly injections twice a day, so I can somewhat relate to diabetics with that dreadful chore).
The lymph nodes in my back and left side are enlarged and there’s a mass growing between my uterus and right ovary. I look pregnant. Those phony blood clots are actually part of the alien growths.
Chemo at this point will be a cocktail of 4 drugs (R-CHOP) put in through the port. I’m to have 8 sessions, each lasting 6 hours, done once a week with 3 weeks in between. And hopefully the ordeal will be complete by mid-late March.
Yes I’ll lose my curls, suffer nausea and fatigue . . . all the fun stuff. No one in my family ever had cancer, so I finally get to be the first at something. And as weird and scary as all this seems, I am looking forward to the chemo shrinking those tumors and reducing the pain . . . .bring it on and lets get this over with.
So there you have it. One request: no phone calls please. Email if you wish, but calls, as much as I appreciate the concern and well wishes, and I like talking to friends, it’s overwhelming. When I came home after the first hospital stay I seemed to get non-stop calls for the next two days . . . .it was exhausting.
I’m sorry to deliver bad news (unless you really don’t like me). I don’t like upsetting my friends. But if the tables were turned, I’d want to know.
Paul and my daughters are giving me wonderful support . . . .all I had to do was ask. And emotionally I’m good too, seeing this as one friend going through breast cancer has said to me over and over . . . these are just moments and moments pass.
Staying strong and optimistic.
How’s that for a dramatic opening? Well the news isn’t great. I start chemo therapy this Tuesday as I was recently diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin’s Diffuse Large B cell lymphoma (there are so many forms of cancer, I guess someone had to come up with a fancy name).
Physically things haven’t been right since Spring (I’ll skip the details). And seemed to be getting worse when I went to the doctor about two weeks ago. She ordered a CAT scan and then ordered me to hospital immediately. A blood clot was detected. The scan showed other abnormalities (fibroids? tumors?).
And a slew of more tests were run, more CATs, two MRIs, X-rays, blood tests, MUGA (to test the strength of the heart), a tissue biopsy and a bone marrow biopsy, and last test was a PET scan, I think that’s been it . . . that’s been enough! Oh wait, I had a port surgically put in my chest on Friday (that’s to make IVs and injections easier to take without getting needle stuck all of the time).
I still don’t know the stage, but the good news: the blood clots are not clots (so no more blood thinner for me . . . .it was creepy giving myself belly injections twice a day, so I can somewhat relate to diabetics with that dreadful chore).
The lymph nodes in my back and left side are enlarged and there’s a mass growing between my uterus and right ovary. I look pregnant. Those phony blood clots are actually part of the alien growths.
Chemo at this point will be a cocktail of 4 drugs (R-CHOP) put in through the port. I’m to have 8 sessions, each lasting 6 hours, done once a week with 3 weeks in between. And hopefully the ordeal will be complete by mid-late March.
Yes I’ll lose my curls, suffer nausea and fatigue . . . all the fun stuff. No one in my family ever had cancer, so I finally get to be the first at something. And as weird and scary as all this seems, I am looking forward to the chemo shrinking those tumors and reducing the pain . . . .bring it on and lets get this over with.
So there you have it. One request: no phone calls please. Email if you wish, but calls, as much as I appreciate the concern and well wishes, and I like talking to friends, it’s overwhelming. When I came home after the first hospital stay I seemed to get non-stop calls for the next two days . . . .it was exhausting.
I’m sorry to deliver bad news (unless you really don’t like me). I don’t like upsetting my friends. But if the tables were turned, I’d want to know.
Paul and my daughters are giving me wonderful support . . . .all I had to do was ask. And emotionally I’m good too, seeing this as one friend going through breast cancer has said to me over and over . . . these are just moments and moments pass.
Staying strong and optimistic.
The good life for naught
Quick note as I don’t have much time right now . . . Saw doc this week, she ordered tests, took those today, Cat-scan showed some bad things . . . .a clot in the vena cava, super low iron count, and a mass (tumor) in the opening of the uterus (may involve the singe ovary I have). Something goofy in my lungs, and other stuff I don’t remember . . . .it was rat-a-tat-tat delivery of problems and a shocker.
Doc wants me in the hospital today. She’s writing up orders of admittance. She said I was a ticking time bomb with the clot that’s why the sudden hospital admittance.
Obviously I will be out of communicato for a bit (but there’s Paul who will no doubt be calling the world).. . . .not sure what’s gonna happen beyond clot removal right away. I meet with a Gynie tomorrow at the hospital to determine the next steps with the tumor.
I got home after hearing this knowing I must call both work places and my husband and kids (and the sibs), and pack for the hospital, etc . . . .but first took time out for dark chocolate (what better comfort?).
I should have smoked, skipped all the wasted time exercising, and ate all the junk food, slept around . . . .and enjoyed life instead of trying to be so healthy and good . . . .kidding. Actually I am optimistic that the new road map about to be carved on my abdomen will (how’s this?) lead the way home (too corny L).
I still think I’m paying for all the smashed chewing gum I scrapped up and ate off the sidewalks in childhood . . .or was it Mom’s fingernail in the pudding? Maybe that Band-Aide she let slip into the dough of that one chocolate chip cookie she baked and I ate?
Doc wants me in the hospital today. She’s writing up orders of admittance. She said I was a ticking time bomb with the clot that’s why the sudden hospital admittance.
Obviously I will be out of communicato for a bit (but there’s Paul who will no doubt be calling the world).. . . .not sure what’s gonna happen beyond clot removal right away. I meet with a Gynie tomorrow at the hospital to determine the next steps with the tumor.
I got home after hearing this knowing I must call both work places and my husband and kids (and the sibs), and pack for the hospital, etc . . . .but first took time out for dark chocolate (what better comfort?).
I should have smoked, skipped all the wasted time exercising, and ate all the junk food, slept around . . . .and enjoyed life instead of trying to be so healthy and good . . . .kidding. Actually I am optimistic that the new road map about to be carved on my abdomen will (how’s this?) lead the way home (too corny L).
I still think I’m paying for all the smashed chewing gum I scrapped up and ate off the sidewalks in childhood . . .or was it Mom’s fingernail in the pudding? Maybe that Band-Aide she let slip into the dough of that one chocolate chip cookie she baked and I ate?
Saturday, January 17, 2009
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